Discouraged

Every time I look at our bank account, I feel so discouraged. It seems like time marches on, and our savings account is only slowly inching to where it needs to be. I'm such a planner, so it's difficult to not known an exact number we need to reach or an exact date we'll need the full amount by. It's just not my style to live with so much uncertainty.

I feel like it's all just not fair. I say, "Why us?" Why do we have to go through this process to be parents? Maybe I'm spoiled, but I work so hard, and planning nice trips is the main thing I look forward to. We've already forgone vacation last year and this year (a big deal for me). I have to be conscious to not fixate on it.

I realize trials can be refining. I guess this process is making us even more financially responsible, and it's teaching us (or me, at least) to be patient and learn to not stress once I've done everything that's within my control. It reminds me that I have been so blessed throughout my life since this is one of the more difficult struggles I've had when I know this is nothing compared to what others go through. It reminds me that God has always provided for me, whether it was through my family or by leading me to scholarships and jobs. It reminds me that when we have a child I won't ever be able to take them for granted.