Grant #1

 I applied for two grants. I heard back on one of them today.

"Thank you for applying for a grant from Helpusadopt.org.

We received an overwhelming response to our call for applications and had a limited amount of funds to disperse. Unfortunately, we are not able to grant your request.

This grant cycle we received 380 applications with financial requests approximating $3 million dollars.  We had $100,000 to award.

Though we understand that it is no consolation for the disappointment you must feel at receiving this news, please know that we are actively working to increase the amount of funds we can grant in the future. Our commitment to helping families grow through adoption only becomes stronger with each letter like this that we must send.

We sincerely wish you all the best as you continue your adoption journey".

Adding An Agency

We are in the process of potentially adding ourselves to the waiting list of another agency. It's another fairly locally based agency. We basically pay an application fee to get on the list, and they will use the homestudy we already have. We will stay with our primary agency, too. This doubles our exposure. There are other ways to do this (like networking websites, word of mouth) that we are not all together opposed to, but adoption is like going to a casino... it involves financial risk, and you have to weigh your risks.

Adding to another agency
Positives: It is a non-profit agency so we don't lose any money if an expectant/birth parent changes their minds. They have a lower amount of waiting families and a higher amount of placements per year.

Negatives: The placement fee (if we get a placement through them) is significantly higher than the agency we are with now.

We're going to make a financial plan to make sure it would be feasible to adopt through this agency, if we were chosen. If we figure something out, we will be sending that application on in.

6 Months of Waiting

Another month has passed with absolutely nothing happening with our profile. Our book is still sitting very lonesomely at our agency. We've been waiting exactly six months since our homestudy was approved. It's been two years since we began the journey to be parents (5 months with the fertility center, 2 months of transition, 8 months in foster care, and 10 months with our current agency).

This month has been discouraging in many ways. Our agency has made so few placements this year and has added so many families that it would take 4 years for just the current waiting families to each receive one placement (For comparison, I think around this time last year when we were researching agencies, the wait was about 2 years based on the number of waiting families and average placements they had been doing).

Things weren't totally still this month, though. We did get a homestudy addendum... or partially, anyway. Our agency added some new situations we are open to, but they left out some situations we were originally open to, and they checked off the box that said we are certified for international adoption. So, the hopefully correct addendum part two should be mailed soon.

This month, I applied for two adoption grants. We should know if we receive them by January. We also canceled our gym membership and switched from cable tv to satellite tv (these two changes will save us about $1,500 over the next 12 months). We are trying to do all that's in our power to be completely prepared when a situation does present itself.

On another positive note, even though waiting is hard and making decisions when there are thousands of paths is exhausting, life is still wonderful. This is my favorite time of the year... and I've indulged in two bonfires, a Halloween costume party, and doing some photography for a dear friend in beautiful fall scenery. I still need to get to Dairy Queen before the end of the month for my beloved Pumpkin Pie blizzard!

Discouraged

Every time I look at our bank account, I feel so discouraged. It seems like time marches on, and our savings account is only slowly inching to where it needs to be. I'm such a planner, so it's difficult to not known an exact number we need to reach or an exact date we'll need the full amount by. It's just not my style to live with so much uncertainty.

I feel like it's all just not fair. I say, "Why us?" Why do we have to go through this process to be parents? Maybe I'm spoiled, but I work so hard, and planning nice trips is the main thing I look forward to. We've already forgone vacation last year and this year (a big deal for me). I have to be conscious to not fixate on it.

I realize trials can be refining. I guess this process is making us even more financially responsible, and it's teaching us (or me, at least) to be patient and learn to not stress once I've done everything that's within my control. It reminds me that I have been so blessed throughout my life since this is one of the more difficult struggles I've had when I know this is nothing compared to what others go through. It reminds me that God has always provided for me, whether it was through my family or by leading me to scholarships and jobs. It reminds me that when we have a child I won't ever be able to take them for granted.