Waiting One Month

As of today, we've officially been waiting a month. We haven't had any updates, and we won't expect to unless we are matched.

Our agency doesn't call every time someone considers you or looks at your profile. We've met several families who previously adopted through our agency back when the agency called every time, and they said it was a continuously painful and stressful time while you waited up to a week or two to hear back on the final decision.

Luckily it's finally warm outside, so there is plenty to do around the yard and there are lots of nice outdoor activities to enjoy. I'm staying busy prepping for my licensure exam, and D has plenty of reading to do with his new job. So, we're just going on with our lives.

'Crack Baby' Scare Overblown

Note: I don't post this to perpetuate any stereotype of a birthmother using drugs and not caring about her child but to educate myself and others since some adoptive situations could involve drug exposure and it is important to know what the effects may be. Just wanted to make sure that is clear! :)

Research in teens adds fresh evidence that the 1980s "crack baby" scare was overblown, finding little proof of any major long-term ill effects in children whose mothers used cocaine during pregnancy.

Some studies have linked pregnant women's cocaine use with children's behavior difficulties, attention problems, anxiety and worse school performance. But the effects were mostly small and may have resulted from other factors including family problems or violence, parents' continued drug use and poverty, the researchers said.

They reviewed 27 studies involving more than 5,000 11- to 17-year-olds whose mothers had used cocaine while pregnant. The studies all involved low-income, mostly black and urban families.

The review, led by University of Maryland pediatrics researcher Maureen Black, was released online Monday in the journal Pediatrics.

Widespread use of crack cocaine in the 1980s led to the "crack baby" scare, when babies born to crack users sometimes had worrisome symptoms including jitteriness and smaller heads. Studies at the time blamed prenatal drug use, suggested affected children had irreversible brain damage and predicted dire futures for them. These reports led to widespread media coverage featuring breathless headlines and heart-rending images of tiny sick newborns hooked up to hospital machines.

"The field of prenatal cocaine exposure has advanced significantly since the misleading 'crack baby' scare of the 1980s," the review authors said.

In recent years experts have mostly discounted any link, noting that so-called crack babies often were born prematurely, which could account for many of their early symptoms. Studies that tracked children beyond infancy have failed to find any severe outcomes.

In some studies included in the new review, crack-exposed teens had lower scores on developmental tests than other children but their scores were still within normal limits. Many studies found that the children's family environment or violence were directly related to the teen's performance regardless of whether their mothers had used cocaine during pregnancy, the researchers said.

The government's National Institute on Drug Abuse notes that it's tough to evaluate how drug use during pregnancy affects children's development because so many other factors play a role, including prenatal care, mothers' health and family environment.

Source: http://vitals.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/05/27/18534669-crack-baby-scare-overblown-more-evidence-finds?lite

Nearly 70% of Adoption Credit Claims Were Audited by the IRS

Add another item to the list of red flags that may get you audited: Adopting a child.

The Internal Revenue Service mishandled tax returns of adoptive families, flagging for further review 90 percent of those who claimed the adoption tax credit for the 2012 filing season. And a report by the federal agency’s Taxpayer Advocate Service also found that nearly 70 percent of adoptive families — more than 35,000 — had at least a partial audit of their tax return. By contrast, just one percent of all returns are audited.

"The IRS's misguided procedures, and its failure to adequately adjust these processes when it learned its approach was seriously flawed, have caused significant economic harm to thousands of families who are selflessly trying to improve the lives of vulnerable children," according to the report.

Unless the IRS alters its approach to refundable credits and incorporates more taxpayer-focused procedures, the federal agency will continue to cause problems for taxpayers, the report continues, including those eligible for the new refundable credit contained in the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act — also known as “ObamaCare.”

The Adoption Tax Credit was created by Congress in 1996 to encourage adoption and to help offset costs to low- and middle-income families, which are estimated to run as high as $40,000. At the time, lawmakers touted the promotion of adoption as “one of the most important things” to strengthen American families.

But IRS officials selected 69 percent of returns claiming the credit in the 2012 filing season for audit, compared to just 1 percent of all tax returns. The payoff, however, was relatively small, the report found.

“Of the $668.1 million in adoption credit claims in tax year 2011 as a result of adoption credit audits, the IRS only disallowed $11 million — or one and one-half percent — in adoption credit claims,” the report continued. “However, the IRS has also had to pay out $2.1 million in interest in TY 2011 to taxpayers whose refunds were held past the 45-day period allowed by law.”

An IRS official said the agency must make sure claims are accurate. "The IRS implemented the adoption credit program with an approach that balanced the objective of paying legitimate credits in a timely manner with that of ensuring that claims were accurate," IRS spokeswoman Michelle Eldridge said in a statement to FoxNews.com. "Our experiences and lessons learned from other refundable credits taught us that high dollar credits have high risk and the potential for fraud. We must ensure delivery of the credit to those entitled while protecting the government’s interest in minimizing exposure to fraud."

The crux of the problem, according to the report, began in 2010 as part of  the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act. Congress at that time increased the maximum credit per child to $13,170 and made it fully refundable for the 2010 and 2011 tax years, meaning that even taxpayers who had no tax liability in those years could receive the credit as a refund. That led to a drastic increase in refunds, making more families eligible for larger returns.

In the 2008 tax year, 89,134 taxpayers claimed the adoption tax credit for a total of $354.5 million. By 2010, those figures reached 110,591 and $1.2 billion, respectively. In 2011, 51,539 taxpayers claimed $668.1 million in credits.

The National Taxpayer Advocate recommends, among other things, that the IRS provide examples of acceptable adoption credit documentation for taxpayers, develop a third-party affidavit form for verifying a child’s special needs status and to allow electronic filing of adoption tax credit returns that included substantiation in a digital format.

“The IRS, facing a sizeable refundable credit, reacted with an enforcement strategy that was focused on stopping nearly all returns claiming the credit and subjecting a large percentage of them to an audit, instead of reaching out to stakeholders (including states) to understand the impacted taxpayer population,” the report concludes. “When problems emerged, the IRS simply continued selecting returns for audit. This approach forced taxpayers to withstand lengthy delays and the IRS to expend valuable resources with very little to show for them.”

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/us/2013/05/24/nearly-70-percent-adoption-credit-claims-were-audited-by-irs-report-finds/#ixzz2UYD2jm4T

"Child Adopted 24 Hours Before It Was Too Late"

CORPUS CHRISTI - A dream came true for a local foster child who never had a permanent place to call home. That all changed thanks to one family who granted his wish, 24 hours before it was too late.

Damien Cavazos waited his whole life for a family to call his own and he was all smiles Tuesday after being adopted into his new family.

"It's just real special, I got adopted and its one day right before my birthday. I've always wanted brothers and sisters and now I have them and everything," Damien said.

Damien turns 18 years old Wednesday and would've aged out of the adoption system, leaving him with no one to call mom and dad. Rebecca Cavazos, a child protective services employee wasn't going to let that happen.

"They were unable to adopt him so Tuesday morning I walked into my bosses office and I told her I'm not taking no for an answer and he's going to be my son," Rebecca said.

Rebecca had been working to get Damien adopted since November, when she first met him at an adoption event. "I said why are you sitting back here in the corner, he said nobody wants me they want the little ones," Rebecca said.

Damien always believed that parents were only interested in adopting young children into their homes but his wish came true in the court room when Judge Brent Chesney made it official.

"Thank you for making it come true, it was a good birthday wish," Damien said.

Rebecca and her husband Steven say they are the modern day brady bunch with 3 girls and two boys of their own and now a third son. She says she couldn't be happier.

"I couldn't ask for anything more and my children and my family are amazing," Rebecca said.
Damien plans to go to Carroll High School and join the ROTC program.

Watch the video here: http://www.kristv.com/news/child-adopted-24-hours-before-it-was-too-late/#!prettyPhoto[gallery]/2/

Not Alone

I really don't know what I would do without my relationship with Christ. He has seen me through hard times and lead me to times of joy. He has taken care of me in the darkest hours of my life and has blessed me in ways I don't deserve. I can't imagine having the patience to sit alone and wait right now. There is nothing else I can do at this point, so I trust Him and His timing and that He will have the right doors open when they should.

Nothing in my life has worked the way I planned or imagined. The college I went to was my last choice, yet I went and met my husband. He might drive me crazy when all he wants to do is watch sports or when I have to remind him (again) to take out the trash, but he for sure brings out the best in me. I would be a dull, nervous wreck without him.

I wasn't going to be a social worker. I sure wasn't planning to work in foster care. Heck, I didn't even really know what foster care really meant when I innocently signed a contract my sophomore year of college. Yet, I touched a handful of people who needed me in that moment. My work (while fruitless in MANY instances) forever changed the directions of some of my kid's lives. I think I have done the same thing at both subsequent jobs.

None of that was me, because in my "wisdom", I had other plans. However, I have always been taken care of and blessed when I follow Christ.

Which brings me here. I am leaning on my faith. I am in a season of character building. I am reflecting on blessings in my past and hoping for more to come in the future.

Lamentations 3:25
The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him.

Psalm 25:4-5
Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.

Romans 5:3-4
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.

Mother's Day

I haven't been to the point of despair in this process (yet?) but there are still challenging times. I've been wished a Happy's Mother's Day by well-meaning strangers and acquaintances over the past several days. It stings, but I choose to not stay in that moment. It's fine to have some sadness, but I don't want bitterness to fill up my heart.

I am blessed to have peacefully made the decision to adopt, located an agency, and finished a homestudy. I am an expectant parent; the only question is "when?". I have a room in my home that's ready and more than enough room in my heart to accept and love a child I didn't birth. I have an emotional and intellectual pregnancy right now; our profile book is on a shelf, ready to be viewed by someone with a physical pregnancy. I have to trust God's plan and timing.

Card from my mom

Inside

I know this is a difficult day for many people I know, either people waiting to adopt, or people dealing with infertility. Here is a good article I saw the other day:



"T.S. Eliot was wrong. April isn’t the cruelest month. May is, at least if you’re waiting to adopt.

For weeks now, you’ve probably heard it: the endless drumbeat of Mother’s Day messages – in stores, on radio and TV, and here on the Net. And in the next few days it will only get louder.

For many people Sunday is a day of celebration. But if you’re a woman waiting to adopt it’s a day you’d just as soon forget — yet another reminder that you’re NOT a mom.

Depending on how long you’ve been waiting, you probably have at least one painful Mother’s Day story to share. Here’s mine: years ago when we were struggling with infertility, one of our family members was celebrating the birth of her child. As happy as we were for her, we found it difficult to be around her. Maybe it was the way that all of her conversations revolved around her baby. Or maybe it was the way she insisted on having us hold her baby, even though she was aware of what we were going through.

When we mentioned that getting together for Mother’s Day might be difficult for us, another relative shot back, “What do you want her to do – hide the baby in the closet?”

Hopefully you’ll have an easier time this weekend. But if you’re waiting to adopt and need a lift, here are some tips to help you survive the holiday and all the hoopla surrounding it.

Remind yourself that you’re on the right track

Mother’s Day is one of those holidays where it’s easy to focus on what you don’t have. But rather than dwell on the negatives, focus on the positives. Think about where you were at this time last year and how far you’ve come since then. Think about what you’ve achieved, no matter how small it may seem to you. Take pride in your progress, whether it’s making the transition from infertility to adoption, finding an agency, completing your home study or starting your parent profile. Remind yourself that today, and every day, you’re one step closer to reaching your goal and becoming a mother.

Avoid uncomfortable situations

This is the weekend to show the moms in your life how much you love them. But if the thought of wading through the Mother’s Day card section fills you with dread or the sight of another baby carriage or pregnant woman reduces you to tears, take a time out. Minimize your time at stores and with family, if need be, and outsource Mother’s Day-related tasks to others. Don’t feel guilty about it. Your moms will understand. What is Mother’s Day after all – just another day on the calendar? There are 364 other days to pay tribute to your moms. This week, if the going gets tough, protect yourself and put yourself first.

Be prepared for questions

As with most family-related events, brace yourself for lots of family-related questions. Including the dreaded “kids” questions — “Which ones are your kids?” Do you have kids?” Are you trying to have kids?” etc. Even though the questions may sound intrusive, for the most part people don’t mean anything by them — they’re just trying to be friendly or make small talk. Don’t get offended. Arm yourself with answers. Especially if some of those questions come across as insensitive. Don’t let others dicate how you feel about yourself on this day — or on any other day, for that matter.

Lean on your support system

If you find Mother’s Day or the days ahead of it difficult to deal with, don’t suffer in silence. What you’re going through is perfectly normal. Just because you feel out of step with the rest of the world doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. Thousands of other mothers-to-be are experiencing similar feelings. And thousands of others who became parents through open adoption have felt it, too. If you’re feeling blue, inadequate or anxious, reach out to others who are or have been in your shoes. Join an online support group or discussion forum. Connecting with other adopting and adoptive parents will lift your spirits – and make you feel less lonely.

Use the day as an opportunity to share your story and network

Once your story is out there, you can’t control how people will react it. Most people don’t know or understand how open adoption works so be prepared to give them the benefit of the doubt. Rather than get mad at things they might say, use the holiday as a chance to educate them. It’s the perfect time to do it. Tell them that you’re struggling with infertility. There’s a good chance they will have already suspected it. You can even take it one step further: tell them about about your plan to adopt and how open adoption matches work. Who knows, they may know of a pregnant women with an adoption plan and help you with your networking efforts.

Take your plan to the next phase

Just because you’re waiting to adopt doesn’t mean you have to just sit there and, well, wait. Rather than get stuck in a funk, use Mother’s Day as an impetus to move your adoption plan forward. If your profile has been sitting unfinished for the last few weeks, commit yourself to getting it done. If you haven’t heard from your social worker lately, give her a call and get an update. If your advertising campaign hasn’t gotten the results you were hoping for, look at other ways to get your message out. The next stage of your adoption journey begins now. Empower yourself by taking control of your future.

Celebrate yourself

Mother’s Day is about mothers, but it’s also about mothers-to-be. That means you. Open adoption isn’t for everyone. It’s a hard road to go down. So give yourself a pat on the back and go out and celebrate yourself. Treat yourself to a day at the spa or go away with your partner for the weekend. Do something that makes YOU feel special. Because you, too, will be a mom one day.

Unlike infertility treatments where you had no control over the outcome, adoption will allow you to become a mom – as long as you keep going. Don’t give up. And don’t get down. Instead, use Mother’s Day as a reminder of how far you’ve come in your journey and as an opportunity to map out where you want to go next.

Credit: http://www.americaadopts.com/how-to-survive-mothers-day-when-youre-waiting-to-adopt/

"Dear Moms of Adopted Children"

 by Kathy Lynn Harris
Source: http://www.kathylynnharris.com/dear-moms-of-adopted-children/#comment-5425

Dear Mom of an Adopted Child,
I met you in adoption education class. I met you at the agency. I met you at my son’s school. I met you online. I met you on purpose. I met you by accident.
It doesn’t matter. The thing is, I knew you right away. I recognize the fierce determination. The grit. The fight. Because everything about what you have was a decision, and nothing about what you have was easy. You are the kind of woman who Makes.Things.Happen. After all, you made this happen, this family you have.
Maybe you prayed for it. Maybe you had to convince a partner it was the right thing. Maybe you did it alone. Maybe people told you to just be happy with what you had before. Maybe someone told you it simply wasn’t in God’s plans for you to have a child, this child whose hair you now brush lightly from his face. Maybe someone warned you about what happened to their cousin’s neighbor’s friend. Maybe you ignored them.
Maybe you planned for it for years. Maybe an opportunity dropped into your lap. Maybe you depleted your life-savings for it. Maybe it was not your first choice. But maybe it was.
Regardless, I know you. And I see how you hold on so tight. Sometimes too tight. Because that’s what we do, isn’t it?
I know about all those books you read back then. The ones everyone reads about sleep patterns and cloth versus disposable, yes, but the extra ones, too. About dealing with attachment disorders, breast milk banks, babies born addicted to alcohol, cocaine, meth. About cognitive delays, language deficiencies. About counseling support services, tax and insurance issues, open adoption pros and cons, legal rights.
I know about the fingerprinting, the background checks, the credit reports, the interviews, the references. I know about the classes, so many classes. I know the frustration of the never-ending paperwork. The hours of going over finances, of having garage sales and bake sales and whatever-it-takes sales to raise money to afford it all.
I know how you never lost sight of what you wanted.
I know about the match call, the soaring of everything inside you to cloud-height, even higher. And then the tucking of that away because, well, these things fall through, you know.
Maybe you told your mother, a few close friends. Maybe you shouted it to the world. Maybe you allowed yourself to decorate a baby’s room, buy a car seat. Maybe you bought a soft blanket, just that one blanket, and held it to your cheek every night.
I know about your home visits. I know about your knuckles, cracked and bleeding, from cleaning every square inch of your home the night before. I know about you burning the coffee cake and trying to fix your mascara before the social worker rang the doorbell.
And I know about the followup visits, when you hadn’t slept in three weeks because the baby had colic. I know how you wanted so badly to show that you had it all together, even though you were back to working more-than-full-time, maybe without maternity leave, without the family and casseroles and welcome-home balloons and plants.
And I’ve seen you in foreign countries, strange lands, staying in dirty hotels, taking weeks away from work, struggling to understand what’s being promised and what’s not. Struggling to offer your love to a little one who is unsettled and afraid. Waiting, wishing, greeting, loving, flying, nesting, coming home.
I’ve seen you down the street at the hospital when a baby was born, trying to figure out where you belong in the scene that’s emerging. I’ve seen your face as you hear a nurse whisper to the birthmother that she doesn’t have to go through with this. I’ve seen you trying so hard to give this birthmother all of your respect and patience and compassion in those moments—while you bite your lip and close your eyes, not knowing if she will change her mind, if this has all been a dream coming to an abrupt end in a sterile environment. Not knowing if this is your time. Not knowing so much.
I’ve seen you look down into a newborn infant’s eyes, wondering if he’s really yours, wondering if you can quiet your mind and good sense long enough to give yourself over completely.
And then, to have the child in your arms, at home, that first night. His little fingers curled around yours. His warm heart beating against yours.
I know that bliss. The perfect, guarded, hopeful bliss.
I also know about you on adoption day. The nerves that morning, the judge, the formality, the relief, the joy. The letting out of a breath maybe you didn’t even know you were holding for months. Months.
I’ve seen you meet your child’s birthparents and grandparents weeks or years down the road. I’ve seen you share your child with strangers who have his nose, his smile … people who love him because he’s one of them. I’ve seen you hold him in the evenings after those visits, when he’s shaken and confused and really just wants a stuffed animal and to rest his head on your shoulder.
I’ve seen you worry when your child brings home a family tree project from school. Or a request to bring in photos of him and his dad, so that the class can compare traits that are passed down, like blue eyes or square chins. I know you worry, because you can protect your child from a lot of things — but you can’t protect him from being different in a world so intent on celebrating sameness.
I’ve seen you at the doctor’s office, filling out medical histories, leaving blanks, question marks, hoping the little blanks don’t turn into big problems later on.
I’ve seen you answer all of the tough questions, the questions that have to do with why, and love, and how much, and where, and who, and how come, mama? How come?
I’ve seen you wonder how you’ll react the first time you hear the dreaded, “You’re not my real mom.” And I’ve seen you smile softly in the face of that question, remaining calm and loving, until you lock yourself in the bathroom and muffle your soft cries with the sound of the shower.
I’ve seen you cringe just a little when someone says your child is lucky to have you. Because you know with all your being it is the other way around.
But most of all, I want you to know that I’ve seen you look into your child’s eyes. And while you will never see a reflection of your own eyes there, you see something that’s just as powerful: A reflection of your complete and unstoppable love for this person who grew in the midst of your tears and laughter, and who, if torn from you, would be like losing yourself.

"How He Loves"