Surgery Time

We found out this week that a specialist surgeon we were referred to by D's CMT specialist recommends that D have a pretty extensive foot surgery sooner rather than later. D sprained his ankle about a year and half ago and has been having problems ever since. Unfortunately the sprain was not the problem but a symptom of a bigger problem which is the way his foot is formed due to his disability.

The doctor hopes that by reconstructing the way some of the bones and tendons are, D can have better foot stability thus less pain and less prone to injuries. Not only that- but he is already getting damage to his ankle joint from the way he walks, and at 32, we need his ankle to last a lot longer! Neither of us were ever comfortable with the idea of an elective surgery- until it's gotten to the point it is now- that he can work and walk short distances easily but he has a lot of ankle pain walking more than 15 minutes, even with his custom brace.

Since we've spent close to our life savings on medical bills this year (hence met deductibles and tax claim in progress), and it's very clear there is no way around surgery if he wants to regain a more normal life, we've scheduled it to happen within the next few weeks.

It's overwhelming to think that potentially in the middle of my transfer cycle (if we can ever get matched with embryos and get a thumbs up to proceed), he will be in a casted up. We are putting our futures in the hands of two doctors- Dr. K and D's ortho specialist. It's scary to put so many eggs into two baskets. I hope the surgery works and doesn't bring complications. And I certainly hope the next transfer works. This has to be our season! It just has to be. 

But this brings me back to the reason we are doing this (adoption, fertility treatments) in the first place. On long days, I think about how we could have a 50% chance of a healthy biological child. We could do things the old fashioned way (or try). But we closed that door, because we didn't want to knowingly give our child a hefty chance of exactly what D is going through. My love for a child that doesn't even exist is so great to avoid this at all costs. I don't want my child to have spinal fusion and a long, hard recovery like he has in the past, and I don't want them to get their foot reconstructed- if there is any way around it.

So future child, if your ever read this- we loved you before we knew you. And if we never have a child, that will be why- that we loved so much and nothing else worked out.