I have several requests to keep some of my friends in your thoughts and prayers. One friend found out yesterday that her baby's heart stopped beating. She lost the pregnancy she had fought so hard to have. Two other friends are in the January transfer group at NEDC. One is returning for a second time and painfully had a negative result from November when the other four in our cycle group had positives. Another is returning for a third time after a painful miscarriage and some medical complications over the summer.
So much pain. So much darkness and hurt. So much loss. But I pray so much room for redemption and comfort and hope.
I wouldn't believe some of the stuff I blog about, had it not happened to me. The immense struggle of 4 ultrasounds in 18 days: lost a twin but the other baby is okay, the other baby won't make it, the other baby has a heartbeat and may make it, the other baby lost its heartbeat and is dead. The unbelievable luck to have 2 d&c's in 5 days. Issues with my insurance company that I haven't even mentioned here (greedy scoundrels).
But incredible things have happened, too. Three families we've never even met have gifted us with precious embryos. People came together and, through this blog, donated money for the kinship adoption of a close family friend of mine. I work in a small, close-knit environment and, last year for my birthday, my coworkers secretly gathered money for our adoption. Someone anonymously paid for our hotel for our first transfer, unknown to us til we checked out and expected to get a bill.
So there are all these horrible forces out there, causing death and suffering and greed. But there are also people who chose to give sacrificially to bless others
With that said, the other night, D and I went to a benefit dinner his work was hosting. Music performed by various employees and a silent auction for a local family in need. Since I am blogging about the benefit, I am sure you can guess where this is going.
Posted at the door
Some of the music for the night
The pub was packed shoulder to shoulder. Everyone enjoyed refreshments and catching up, while they waited for the big reveal of just who this money was helping. Except every single person there- except us- knew the benefit was for us (and had known for 1+ month- how this stayed a secret, I have no idea!).
At the moment of the big revel, ten members of both mine and D's extended family sheepishly and tearfully walked out. We were both in shock- and I think still are to some extent. His company had a wild goal to raise $2,000, and they nearly doubled that! So many people gave of their time, money, and talents so sacrificially. It's the most humbling experience to know so many people are there for you. And to receive money towards being able to have a family- there are really no words.
This huge and amazing blessing, and it really pushes us into this third transfer with not only peace that we will have funds for all the expenses that comes along with it but the knowledge that literally hundreds of people care about us and want this for us. And they're willing to put action to that love. Wow! I can't get over it!
I can't explain how tired I am. I am physically and emotionally tired deep in my bones. Stress, sadness, hormonal drops, and just the grind of daily life suck everything out of me. I took a two hour nap yesterday evening and still slept most of the night.
Really the only hard part of the day was calling my local RE to cancel my second beta appointment. They are the ones that did the first one, so they should know I won't be needing it, but I knew it would still be on the books. Sure enough, it was. The lady asked if I needed to reschedule. I said, "No, sorry my first beta was negative". Talk about salt in the wound lady. You work at an RE. If someone is canceling a beta, I am sure they would ask to reschedule and not cancel if they had a reason to need to. Call me crazy, but it's not like that is a test that will just slip your mind! I digress.
Overall, my day went better than expected. As always, W.oody and J.im had me laughing out loud in my car on the way to work. I felt a migraine coming on, and guess what... I could have a 20 oz Diet Dr. Pepper, so I raided the Coke machine at work. As soon as I hit the unit, I ran til it was time to leave. And my coworkers love me and are more like friends and family than coworkers.
I continue to have a lot of support from loved ones. What helps the most is acknowledgement of the loss. [I hope this is not misinterpreted. I am sincerely appreciative of each person who has reached out to me.] Do I need to hear "Don't give up!"?... absolutely. But I would never make parenthood decisions based on someone else's opinion if I am the one who is going through the pain/work. I am a strong-willed (or maybe stubborn) person.
What helps me the most is the acknowledgement that we lost the embryos. They're more than some cells for me... we went through so much to be able to adopt them and to lose them is to lose the possibility of a child. To my core, I don't care whether they are my DNA or not. They were my potential kids. What's lost of more than not being able to have a cute baby but the possibility of attending field day and getting a report card and having summer break plans and sports games and graduation. A future embryo may become that- I don't know- but I do know the sun sets every day and we really don't know how or if we will be parents. That I know.
Someone anonymously paid for our hotel room for the transfer. Thank you to whoever you are. That was an unexpected surprise and means a lot to us! You sure are sneaky, too, because we have no clue who it could be. :)
Today was the 6th month mark of waiting since we've been homestudy approved, but it also happens to be my birthday. My very supportive, caring, and generous co-workers secretly collected a donation for our adoption fund... $422!!!! This was an unexpected blessing, and it was very encouraging to know that even though we're still waiting, we are not waiting alone!
I am very excited to update that Baby J's adoption was finalized yesterday! He is now forever apart of a loving family. $457 of the money used to help complete this adoption was raised by this blog/my Facebook friends. Thanks to everyone who gave!
UPDATE 9/22/12:$457 raised in Chip In/cash donations directly to me), $870 raised on GiveForward, $560 raised at yard sale, $200 raised at spaghetti supper... $2087 raised towards Baby J's adoption. The $457 was the amount I came up with, and I paid the attorney on 7/19/12. Legal proceedings have begun.
UPDATE 6/30/12: $425 raised on Chip In, $275 raised on GiveForward, and $560 raised at a yard sale today! That means a total of $1,260 has been raised to get started on Baby J's adoption. This will be given to the lawyer as a retainer to get started soon ($1,000 was the minimum needed to begin). A spaghetti supper is being planned for July 14. Details to follow.
UPDATE 6/29/12: $425 raised so far. Only $75 left to hit my goal of $500!
UPDATE 6/23/12: $325 raised so far.
UPDATE 6/22/12: $295 raised so far. Thanks to all the generous people who have given!
UPDATE 6/21/12: $145 raised so far. It should be showing
up soon on the Chip In below (I had to verify the paypal account I set
up for this before it would show up).
I have a heartfelt request to make. I have very close family friends who have temporary custody of a sweet 11 month baby boy "J". Both birth parents had a variety of issues why they aren't able to take care of "J", so my family friends went to court at his birth to get custody so they could make sure "J" was taken care of (they are related to one of the parents).
"J" is now happy, healthy, and bonded to their whole family- mom, dad, and three kids. Now that the year mark is approaching, they want to give "J" all he deserves, which is permanency. That is just a fancy way of saying he has stability, a "forever family", and he is fully theirs just like their three birth kids.
In order to accomplish that, they will have to go back to court to terminate the birth parents' rights and go through the adoption process. This is a fairly expensive feat and could range anywhere from $3,000-$6,000 depending on how much the birth parents fight back.
I really believe when people do the right thing, society needs to pitch in and help. This baby didn't go to foster care and didn't languish with parents who weren't able to provide for his needs. This happened because a family opened up their hearts and, so far, have sacrificed to provide for "J's" needs.
The family is having a yard sale next weekend to kick things off. If you live locally and have things to donate, please email or call me. I am helping plan a food event (maybe a spaghetti supper) in the near future to raise money. I am also going to put up a chip in button so if you are unable to be apart of these things, you can still give. I will give all donations to the family and am aiming to help them raise $500.
Would you consider helping them take this final step to give "J" the chance to grow up knowing he is forever apart of a loving family?
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