But, we are one step closer to our child, and for that I am grateful.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Officially Waiting
Our homestudy was approved yesterday, and today we received a copy of it in the mail! This means if an expectant parent goes to our local office (or looks online), they would have the opportunity to meet with us if their situation matches up with what we are comfortable with. At this point, everything is out of our control: Who? When? Where? That's very nervewracking to me!
But, we are one step closer to our child, and for that I am grateful.
But, we are one step closer to our child, and for that I am grateful.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Why We Are Adopting
Note: This is just my personal opinion... This is not directed at any one person but at a repeated theme I hear in general adoption conversation and multiple comments made to me over time.
We are not adopting to be noble. We just want to be parents, and this is our path. We wished to not pass on a genetic disorder and in that process found it difficult for me to get pregnant. Adoption is the only alternative to more invasive medical treatments.
Maybe adoption is God's provision for us to have a family since the chaos of a sinful world creates genetic disorders and infertility. Maybe God set this up since there will be a couple somewhere in crisis with their pregnancy (whether it's due to financial reasons, drug use, lack of social support, age). Maybe this is His way of helping us create a family, helping relieve stress and worry off birthparents, and helping a child have a chance to grow up in a stable home environment from the get go. Maybe we are the only love of Christ this expectant parent has seen and that's why our paths have crossed.
I can't pretend to know His ways. There is a lot I don't know, and there is a lot still to be revealed. Maybe in ten years I will look back and know "why" or maybe I won't. I just know I don't want to be seen as noble, honorable, "such a good person", blah, blah, blah.
We are not "saving a child". We are not adopting an "orphan". We are adopting a foreseeably, reasonably healthy newborn child from a mom or mom/dad who feel like they can't provide the life they want for the child. They are choosing to place the child, so while they may be imperfect like you or I, they are wise and caring enough to make this plan. The child we adopt will never have been abandoned. I'd say for every baby born and adopted through domestic infant adoption, there are 2 or 3 qualified, loving families... that's why the wait for adoption can be months to years.
By the way, there are tons of children who really are orphans. Tons of children who do need hope in a dark situation. Just not in domestic infant adoption, in my opinion. These children are sitting in foster care, parents' rights terminated (a judge said due to extended abuse, neglect, drug use, etc that the biological parents are forever not the parents anymore, and this child is a "ward of the state" meaning the only parent this child has is the government) and in need of a permanent home. These children are sitting in orphanages all over the world, babies not being held, children comforting themselves, and teens being thrust out into the streets way too early. There are not an abundance of waiting families for either of these groups. Yes, there may be a "wait" but it will only revolve around paperwork, and government, and red tape.
As a side note, I don't think "saving a child" is the most healthy motivation for adoption anyway; they will fulfill needs for you, too. I would hate to instill a victim mentality in a child. I think it's important to look at the situation from a well rounded perspective: "I have a need to meet- desire for more children (or a child), and you needed love and a home and parents, and now we will both mutually love each other and fill each other's needs".
As a final soapbox, having a good motivation to adopt an orphan doesn't mean things will be picture perfect. If you feel led to do this, I think that is wonderful! However, please stop to research trauma, attachment, and whatever mental health or physical issues you may see (FAS, medical disabilities). I think it's way too common that people jump into doing something good but are not fully informed of the challenges that come along with it. Unfortunately, I think this is the most common in the Christian circle of "orphan care"- a church or religious leader talks up adoption, but continuing support and education is not provided, causing the adoptive parents shame and sorrow when things pop up. There is hope and healing, but you must be educated.
We are not adopting to be noble. We just want to be parents, and this is our path. We wished to not pass on a genetic disorder and in that process found it difficult for me to get pregnant. Adoption is the only alternative to more invasive medical treatments.
Maybe adoption is God's provision for us to have a family since the chaos of a sinful world creates genetic disorders and infertility. Maybe God set this up since there will be a couple somewhere in crisis with their pregnancy (whether it's due to financial reasons, drug use, lack of social support, age). Maybe this is His way of helping us create a family, helping relieve stress and worry off birthparents, and helping a child have a chance to grow up in a stable home environment from the get go. Maybe we are the only love of Christ this expectant parent has seen and that's why our paths have crossed.
I can't pretend to know His ways. There is a lot I don't know, and there is a lot still to be revealed. Maybe in ten years I will look back and know "why" or maybe I won't. I just know I don't want to be seen as noble, honorable, "such a good person", blah, blah, blah.
We are not "saving a child". We are not adopting an "orphan". We are adopting a foreseeably, reasonably healthy newborn child from a mom or mom/dad who feel like they can't provide the life they want for the child. They are choosing to place the child, so while they may be imperfect like you or I, they are wise and caring enough to make this plan. The child we adopt will never have been abandoned. I'd say for every baby born and adopted through domestic infant adoption, there are 2 or 3 qualified, loving families... that's why the wait for adoption can be months to years.
By the way, there are tons of children who really are orphans. Tons of children who do need hope in a dark situation. Just not in domestic infant adoption, in my opinion. These children are sitting in foster care, parents' rights terminated (a judge said due to extended abuse, neglect, drug use, etc that the biological parents are forever not the parents anymore, and this child is a "ward of the state" meaning the only parent this child has is the government) and in need of a permanent home. These children are sitting in orphanages all over the world, babies not being held, children comforting themselves, and teens being thrust out into the streets way too early. There are not an abundance of waiting families for either of these groups. Yes, there may be a "wait" but it will only revolve around paperwork, and government, and red tape.
As a side note, I don't think "saving a child" is the most healthy motivation for adoption anyway; they will fulfill needs for you, too. I would hate to instill a victim mentality in a child. I think it's important to look at the situation from a well rounded perspective: "I have a need to meet- desire for more children (or a child), and you needed love and a home and parents, and now we will both mutually love each other and fill each other's needs".
As a final soapbox, having a good motivation to adopt an orphan doesn't mean things will be picture perfect. If you feel led to do this, I think that is wonderful! However, please stop to research trauma, attachment, and whatever mental health or physical issues you may see (FAS, medical disabilities). I think it's way too common that people jump into doing something good but are not fully informed of the challenges that come along with it. Unfortunately, I think this is the most common in the Christian circle of "orphan care"- a church or religious leader talks up adoption, but continuing support and education is not provided, causing the adoptive parents shame and sorrow when things pop up. There is hope and healing, but you must be educated.
Friday, April 5, 2013
Profile Photobook
Everything is starting to become more real. For so long, it's felt like our adoption is just a story. So many people ask about it (I do appreciate the care and concern!), but it doesn't feel real to repeat details that move at a snail's pace. "We will pick an agency, then do a preapplication, then a formal application, then fill out a bunch more paperwork, then wait to be approved". Everytime someone asks, it all seems so theoretical.
And now, here we are, nearly about to be waiting!
We finally finished our profile photobook, which is what the agency will show expectant parents who are considering making an adoption plan. I'm such a perfectionist, so I have put so much time, thought, and heart into these 19 pages. How do you really convey who you are in 19 pages, anyway??
It includes an expectant parent letter (or "Dear Birthmother" letter but I hate that wording), which introduces us. I'm leaving that out to keep a little bit of sacred, but here is the rest to give all our loving friends and family an idea of what this part of the process is about (and to maybe give other prospective adoptive parents ideas... I loved looking at other examples online while I was making this).
The book was made through Mixbook, my most favorite photobook website! Our hard copies (one for us to keep because I'm sentimental and four for the agency to use in their local offices) will be here in ten days!
And now, here we are, nearly about to be waiting!
We finally finished our profile photobook, which is what the agency will show expectant parents who are considering making an adoption plan. I'm such a perfectionist, so I have put so much time, thought, and heart into these 19 pages. How do you really convey who you are in 19 pages, anyway??
It includes an expectant parent letter (or "Dear Birthmother" letter but I hate that wording), which introduces us. I'm leaving that out to keep a little bit of sacred, but here is the rest to give all our loving friends and family an idea of what this part of the process is about (and to maybe give other prospective adoptive parents ideas... I loved looking at other examples online while I was making this).
The book was made through Mixbook, my most favorite photobook website! Our hard copies (one for us to keep because I'm sentimental and four for the agency to use in their local offices) will be here in ten days!
(Family page with pictures of us and our immediate family)
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