Together

(Baby boy stretching, kicking, and cooing in the morning sunshine in our hotel)

We had a great weekend at the NEDC reunion picnic, celebrating the birth of the 500th adopted embryo baby through the clinic. (Baby boy is #516) 

It was emotional to pull up and see a full parking lot. 

And seemingly typical families mingling and eating lunch. Except we were all there, with kids, thanks to many generous donors and a special clinic. 

I never could've imagined a story like this. It sucked in the valley, but the mountain is so high. I love the friendship of other EA families. You can't explain the deep connection to all these people who lead different lives all across the country. 

I'm so appreciative to be apart of an extended family like this. I hope baby boy feels the same as he grows up and begins to understand his origins. 

Completion

We went to D's company's annual benefit.

With baby boy(!!!)

It was an honor to let everyone who helped get him here see how utterly adorable he is and how eternally grateful we are. 

For two hours he took in the sights and sounds of bands playing and people marveling at him. We stood on stage briefly so D could recap our story and encourage donations for this year's charity. Baby boy joined us, propped up in my arms. He purposefully and intently scanned the room. I'm not joking. It was as if he was looking into people's eyes. 

These people love him. He is so loved. People came together, for him! 

He has such a rich story already, at only seven weeks. 

Full circle. 

The sweet reward of years of pain. 

Family. Together. Completion. 

The Breeze

Yesterday I had baby boy outside. We were walking a bit. He closed his eyes in the bright, warm sun but didn't squint or fuss. His hair was messy and damp from a deep, restful slumber in my arms. The breeze rustled his dark hair. 

I stopped. 

He almost wasn't mine. 

Had the numerous adoptive situations worked out. 

Had my first or second transfer worked out. 

He may still have been frozen in time, waiting for a family. 

I love this little life, and I'm humbled at his sweetness and perfection. 

Sailing in This Season

It's a new season. We're still on a journey, but in a different way. 

Embryo adoption has defined our lives the past year and half. I still think about embryo adoption every day. It doesn't define baby boy. It's by no means all of who he is. But it is his beginning and roots. And I honestly can't always wrap my mind around how embryos can even grow in a lab let alone travel across the country and result in a pregnancy years after they were formed. 

So most days I feel a mixture that he's mine and I know his little heart and we're connected with the reminder that he's a precious gift and a real life miracle and wasn't always mine. 

I'm really soaking in every day with him. I'm grateful that, after such a long wait, I'm able to take a full maternity leave. 

A new and precious aspect of this leave is a continued relationship with baby boy's genetic family. We've been able to FaceTime with the family as well as share pictures and videos. I can see glimpses of baby boy in his genetic parents and siblings. For us, it's a such good thing. I hope the same outcome for his genetic family, and one day for him, too, when he is old enough to understand. 

So this wild journey is not about linings and shots and appointments anymore. It's about cuddling and nurturing and a soul that is sailing. 

Amen

To all who mourn in Israel, He will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. - Isaiah 61:3

Longer

5 weeks together. 

It feels like so much longer, in a good way. 

Life had meaning and fulfillment before, but not like this. 

Baby boy depends on us. He's growing. Every day I see a new crease as he gets chubbier. He is changing every day, too. He's been alert since birth, but he can really focus in on what he's looking at now. He's cooing more and trying to find his voice. 

What a miracle that a frozen ball of cells was gifted to me and has blessed me with tiny but strong hands that hold mine. Soft, fuzzy hair and round cheeks. Dark, wise eyes and a sweet spirit. 

He's already more than I ever imagined. I'm so glad I didn't give up. And so glad that things worked out the way they did. 

D&C Part III

I had two d&c's last year. August 29th and September 3rd. 

I got another one yesterday.... Really. A year to the day pretty much. The doctor suspects I had retained placenta. 

By the third time, you're not even nervous. The worst part was being away from baby boy for about five hours. And having it done with still-healing episiotomy stitches. Ugh. 

But it wasn't traumatic or sad. He's here and that's all that matters. 

And I'm not worried like I was last time about adhesions and scarring. My uterus has done its job.