Adoption Love Link Up: Views of Humanity

This month's topic for the Adoption Love link-up is as follows:

How, if at all, has adoption changed your view of humanity (for good or bad)? 

I feel like I've had a variety of experiences in this adoption path so far. The largest good? Having embryos gifted to us through embryo adoption. Knowing IVF moms "in real life" helped me go into this knowing what a sacrifice and difficult choice it can be to allow another family to try to become parents, knowing they will be raising the genetic children you went through so much to create. The kids will look like the ones you're raising but will live with another family and call someone else mom. I feel blessed, too, to know we've had an open relationship to "meet" our donors and share the experience with them. They've been nothing but kind, caring, and supportive. 

Another good would be the friendships I have made with fellow adoptive parents or waiting adoptive parents. A common struggle can create an instant bond. I depend on some of these friendships for advice and camaraderie. I've met up with a handful of fellow embryo adoption moms. We live all over the country and lead different lives but we have lifelong connections. 

And just in the waiting some people already in our lives have rallied around us, providing love, thoughts, cards, prayers, and some financial gifts. I am confident when a baby comes into our lives they will already be very loved. 

Even though I haven't personally experienced too much "bad" in adoption, I know it's there and it infuriates me. Innocent babies and children can become pawns of selfish and greedy adults. Many countries' programs are closing due to child exploitation. Kids are placed for adoption when their biological parents were coereced to do so, or the child may have even been kidnapped. 

I feel there is decreased exploitation of biological families in the US but it still exists. One big example is states where birthfathers have little to no rights; agencies move pregnant ladies to those states to deliver. 

Adoptive families can stand to lose a lot, too. I know both through the news as well as people I know of losing thousands of dollars from a corrupt birthmom (not to mention to pay of a failed placement). Cases of adoption fraud are rarely prosecuted in the US.  Expectant moms owe no obligation to repay living expenses in cases they change their mind; some go into adoption knowing this and with bad intentions. Many agencies and attorneys also provide no refund in failed matches. I've heard multiple times of an adoption professional who "recruits" expectant moms from another professional, offering more money- what about the adoptive family they were already working with?? I think infant adoption in the US has become such a huge industry. Some things in our lives should never be for-profit, and adoption is one of them in my opinion. 

Adoptive parents aren't perfect in this either-ill intentions, hastily getting into an adoptive situation that is difficult then backing out (more common with foster care or international adoption), "rehoming" children illegally (there is a right and wrong way to handle challenges in attachment), not following through on open-adoption agreements (which are normally not legally binding). 

Overall, I still think adoption is a beautiful thing. I think it is a neccesity in our fallen and broken world. Certain circumstances will lead to a child needing to be parented by and taken into another family. Adoption involves very vulnerable people: babies and children, biological parents likely in some type of distress, and often prospective adoptive parents who have a hole in their lives. These dynamics will inevitably show people's true colors: do they love and protect, or do they exploit? No one is perfect with always pure intentions, but I think this is what James 1:27 is really saying. 
 

Utah Adoption Lawsuit

Fathers Blast Utah's Strict Adoption Laws

Suit Filed on Behalf of Men Who Fought to Keep Their Biological Babies From Being Adopted

A federal lawsuit is taking aim at Utah's adoption laws, claiming they don't adequately protect the rights of unmarried biological fathers in the name of getting newborns into stable, two-parent families.

Utah's laws are among the most "adoption-friendly" in the nation, say legal experts, and largely reflect the state's desire to discourage both abortions and a proliferation of single-parent families.

An unwed mother living in Utah generally can relinquish her rights to a baby to an adoption agency 24 hours after she gives birth, sooner than is allowed in most other states. Utah also bars her from undoing her decision if she changes her mind. Fathers, meanwhile, have limited grounds to challenge the adoptive parents' custody of their child. It typically isn't enough to argue that the mother failed to disclose her plans to seek an adoption or outright misled the father.

The lawsuit was filed last month in Salt Lake City federal court on behalf of 12 men who fought to keep their babies from being placed into adoption by their mothers. Three succeeded; nine didn't. It names the state attorney general's office and two former state attorneys general as defendants. A spokeswoman for the attorney general's office declined to comment.

It is the latest challenge to Utah's adoption laws, which place hundreds of children a year into two-parent homes. Last March, the Utah Supreme Court heard arguments in a case challenging the constitutionality of the laws. The court, which has yet to rule, will soon consider two other suits making similar claims.

"Compared to most others', Utah's laws are draconian," said Bruce Boyer, director of the Civitas ChildLaw Clinic at the Loyola University Chicago School of Law. "The state does not make it easy for fathers to protect their rights."

An unwed father living in Utah who seeks to block an adoption in the state must first file a paternity action in court and submit a filing that includes a parenting plan for after the child's birth and proof that he has paid—or attempted to pay—for much of the mother's prenatal care. The father must then let the state's Office of Vital Records know about the suit. All of this requires hiring a lawyer, and can cost thousands of dollars. It also has to happen quickly.

If a father hasn't completed these requirements by the time the mother relinquishes the baby to an adoption agency, he is typically out of luck, even if he didn't know the mother was planning an adoption, according to several Utah family lawyers. 

Defenders of the laws say they reflect a valid and justifiable legislative determination. "It's a religious state in which the traditional two-parent family structure is still very highly cherished," said Lorie Fowlke, a Republican former member of the state's House of Representatives and now a family lawyer in Provo.

Ms. Fowlke said that while Utah's laws may be less forgiving for fathers than those elsewhere, they still afford rights to those who show a commitment to parenting. "We say, 'OK, dad, if you've been involved, buying diapers and prenatal vitamins and you file your paperwork on time, then yes, you can have the rights,' " she said. "Otherwise, we think mothers should be empowered to decide this on their own."

Utah courts have dealt with a number of cases on this issue. In 2010, Jake Strickland, then a 23-year-old Salt Lake City-area resident, began a relationship with a married woman who became pregnant with his child. The couple stayed in communication and had discussed co-parenting, according to court papers filed by Mr. Strickland's attorney in a suit challenging the child's adoption. Based on her assurances, he didn't take the necessary legal steps to protect his rights before the child's birth.

Toward the end of her pregnancy, the mother told Mr. Strickland that a caesarean section had been scheduled for Jan. 12, 2011, according to Mr. Strickland's court papers. But on Jan. 5, 2011, the mother told Mr. Strickland that she had delivered the baby a week earlier and already had put the boy up for adoption.

Mr. Strickland, also one of the plaintiffs in the new suit, has been unsuccessful in trying to invalidate the adoption in the lower courts and his case is pending with the Utah Supreme Court. "I wouldn't wish this on anyone," he said.

Larry Jenkins, the lawyer for the adoptive parents in Mr. Strickland's lawsuit to invalidate the adoption, didn't respond to requests for comment. In court papers, Mr. Jenkins said Mr. Strickland ignored advice to take certain steps to protect his rights. "By statute, Strickland had the responsibility to protect his own rights. He must bear the burden of his failure." 

A lawyer who represented the biological mother shortly after the adoption declined to comment. But in court papers filed in 2011, the lawyer argued that Mr. Strickland "was fully aware of the pregnancy and discussed with [the mother] her desire to place the child for adoption," and that Mr. Strickland acknowledged that he knew of his legal obligations but failed to follow through. 

As recently as the 1970s, states afforded fathers relatively few rights in regard to children conceived out of wedlock. Over time, legislatures softened their positions and allowed unwed fathers more say over their children.

Utah didn't follow the trend, and in recent years has made the laws even less forgiving for fathers, say legal experts. 

Wes Hutchins, the lawyer representing the 12 men, said Utah's courts have been slow to address the problems, part of the reason he turned to the federal courts to declare key sections of the state's adoption laws unconstitutional. "Utah has focused so intensely on 'finality and stability' with its adoption laws that it's lost sight of what's in the best interest of the children in many of these cases," he said.

Todd Weiler, a Republican state senator from Woods Cross who largely supports Utah's adoption laws, said, "As a policy matter, the state has taken the position that we want adoptions to happen easily and quickly—and the vast majority of adoptions of Utah do." Mr. Weiler said that of all the adoptions processed in the state every year, "only a minuscule number have problems," and that the state's courts do a good job of clamping down on abuses. 

A number of lawsuits in recent years have involved mothers who travel to Utah to take advantage of Utah's adoption-friendly laws. Under Utah law, an out-of-state mother can put a child up for adoption in Utah without explicitly telling a father she's doing so. 

"The law is just riddled with traps for fathers," said Scott Wiser, a family lawyer in Salt Lake City who has represented fathers in paternity and other actions. "But for out-of-state fathers, Utah can be brutal."

By: Ashby Jones     Source: Wall Street Journal

Adoption, Commodification and Normalcy [repost]

 Adoption, Commodification and Normalcy [repost]

"Maybe I missed it in earlier issues of the country's largest and oldest magazine on adoption, Adoptive Families, but the ads in the latest issue, Winter 2014, show the definitive commodification of adoption in the U.S.. Similac pays for a full-page ad in an issue with an article on breastfeeding without birthing and offers its specific product, "Similac for Supplementation." Then there are two full-page ads for businesses that deal with embryo adoption: "Embryos available now to start your family," exclaims AER. And the company with the smart name, "Building Blocks to Baby Steps," uses its page to take a swipe at the usual providers of babies, the presumed unhealthy birth mothers: "Embryo adoption is usually quicker and less expensive than traditional adoption with the added bonus of the mom-to-be having control over the pre-natal environment, raising the chances of delivering a healthy baby." And then a bank -- a Christian bank -- offers "Adoption Loans" with rates as low as 8.65 APR. Again, an implicit swipe to the God-forgotten birth moms. It quotes a customer: 'Without this loan, God's plan for our lives and the life of our child would not be possible." Bored already with the quotes? Please wait for this last one, the most expensive, presumably, because it enhances the back cover of the magazine. The ad is from a company called Adoptimist, who promises: "We build effective adoption profiles and marketing campaigns for families hoping to adopt." And they have "marketing plans for every budget." Market yourself to the first mothers and families in competition with other parents to get your baby? What are these people thinking? And what is Adoptive Families thinking?

In the Winter issue there are many more ads: Half and quarter pages from less affluent adoption businesses like agencies and adoption professionals. The magazine allows the following smaller ads: "Children are waiting for you," they say; or they express messages along the lines of 'We deliver right from the hospital, fresh from somebody else's womb in a third world country through surrogacy, from the Philippines, Poland, from Colombia, and so on.' Taken together, they make adoption -- "real body" or embryo adoption with or without a "gestational carrier" (sic) -- look like as just other ways to build a family.

It must be said that the contents of Adoptive Families gives a somewhat less commercial, more realistic image of what adoption is. There are articles on language disabilities in adopted kids, about race and racism in transracial adoptions, some interesting personal stories and there is a book list which contains "real" titles like Cris Beam's To the End of June on our failing foster care system and Kathryn Joyce's investigation in the corrupt world of international adoption. But in the end, the magazine exudes the same message at its ads, and the commodification shows in its contents. In this issue, there is a chart like you can find in car magazines of the costs of adoption and timing involved per country.

There is one small ad that leads away from the adoptive family as a 'normal-family-in-a-normal-commercial-context' narrative. The ad is for Cono Christian School, a boarding school in Iowa. It offers support for children and families "struggling after adoption, divorce, remarriage." Here we get a look into the troubles that can come with adoption: traumatized kids out of control who need to be brought back to "normal" life.

Adoption is not a normal way to build a family. It is a complicated way, which next to happiness for adoptive parents brings sorrow and sadness for all involved. To part from your child in whatever situation you may be in is traumatizing. To be parted from your parents, whoever they may be, is traumatizing. To create a family with a child who is traumatized by her or his adoption is a tough call, because trauma can be contagious, and triggers unresolved trauma in the adoptive parents.
The push for normalcy that Adoptive Families -- or the larger adoption industry, for that matter -- displays does an enormous disservice to the adoption community, to the kids, to the first parents and to the adoptive parents. That normalcy prohibits thinking about adoption in terms of adoption itself and those terms are all about difference. My kids are Black and I am white. I, being gay, have a biological mother, who cared for me from day one. They have a first mother, who they seldom see. I have one set of parents and they have two. They have the traumatic experience of abandonment, which I don't have. They are the exception in almost every crowd, while I am the norm. They are displaced from a foreign world, while I stayed home. They are poor, and I am rich. And so the list goes on. A similar list can be made for the differences between first parents and me, where class difference might be the most prominent.

Normalcy is an unhealthy place for adopted kids. We have to raise our kids in profound understanding and authentic celebration of their difference. Those who want to raise their kids as "normal" kids and try to conform them to their own image just shouldn't adopt. Those who go the path of difference should be trained in an adequate manner before they bring their child home and should get comprehensive support after the adoption. There is nothing "normal" about adoption: For me, that is the greatest gift my kids have given me. I hope I am strong enough to reciprocate."

by Frank Ligtvoet
Source: Huffington Post

I really enjoyed this article and agree with its overall premise. It's unfortunate that adoption has turned into such a money-making arena. I think money needs to be exchanged to ensure children are protected, birthfamilies are well-informed and have the support they need, and everything is legally binding through the court, but it doesn't take $30,000+ to do that. Commercialization of the adoption realm has its place in some aspects, but when people are making a very comfortable living off a family's infertility and another's unintended pregnancy, that's sad. It's sad that adoptive families become in competition with each other. It's sad when unethical agencies siphon money from broken couples. It's sad that some races of babies are "worth" more than others.

Unadoption

http://www.tennessean.com/viewart/20140207/DICKSON/302070120/Dickson-couple-loses-custody-girl-after-apparent-adoption-overturned

 http://www.wsmv.com/story/24647444/dickson-family-hopes-to-bring-girl-home-after-custody-ruling

http://www.tba2.org/tba_files/TCA/2009/sjm_112309.pdf- Copy of appeal decision

https://www.facebook.com/BringSonyaHome- Pro-adoptive family site

 https://www.facebook.com/StandingOurGroundForVeronicaBrown- Pro bio-family site

My local news has published a story about a 9 year old girl who was removed from her adoptive family/foster family. Apparently, through a series of events, the girl was taken as a small toddler from her home state to TN by a caregiver, never brought back to her father, and ended up placed in foster care. After entering foster care, a homestudy found the girls' grandmothers' home to be appropriate, but for unstated reasons, she was never placed there.

In the meantime, the father was sentenced to prison time, and the foster parents filed for the biological parents' rights to be terminated (mother was long out of the picture). The parents' rights were eventually terminated, and a local court finalized the girl's adoption with her foster family. Unfortunately, it seems the court finalized the adoption prior to the father's appeal of his rights being fully terminated. Father filed an appeal, and the termination was overturned in 2009. Part of the 2009 order was that the girl re-enter foster care (still with the same family).

Last month, DCS and the court system decided to reunite the girl with her biological father. Reportedly, the girl had scant contact with her father by phone and was reunited to him with no transitional time. She returned with him to her home state.

My two cents: I think it is sad that a 9 year old was removed from the only family she has ever known. However, I blame DCS and the court system for not following through with the original recommendation that she be placed with relatives and for allowing an adoption that was not legal. The fact that this drug on so long is the fault only of the professionals involved. In my opinion, there is no reason for the case to sit from 2009 til now to make a decision for permanency. Either the father should regain custody or not, and it should not take 8 years to decide that. And, obviously I don't know why the transition occurred how it did- however, the way it happened was not in a child's best interest!

Adoption Scam

A Madison woman accused of fleeing with her newborn baby after agreeing to give it up for adoption to seven separate families is the newest addition to the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation’s Top Ten Most Wanted list.

Tiffany Lynne Jordan-Johnson, 32, has been indicted on seven felony counts of illegal payments in connection with the placement of a child, six counts of theft and separate counts of forgery and attempted forgery as part of an alleged scheme.

According to the TBI, between November 2012 and March 2013, a pregnant Jordan-Johnson agreed to let seven different families adopt her child after he or she was born, according to a TBI release. She also allegedly began accepting payments from parents and adoption agencies meant to help cover rent and living expenses, although authorities believe she lived in a rent-free, government-subsidized apartment.

Once she met with each family at her Madison home, many of them began purchasing items and holding baby showers for the newborn.

After her child was born in Dyer, Tenn., in April 2013, Jordan-Johnson, her baby, and the youngest of her six other children could not be found. TBI and Metro Police officials are still trying to establish her whereabouts.

Jordan-Johnson has a prior history of misdemeanor assault, the TBI release said. Anyone with knowledge of her whereabouts is urged to contact authorities at 1-800-TBI-FIND. A $1,000 reward has been offered for information leading to her arrest.

Source: http://www.tennessean.com/article/20131101/NEWS03/311010206/TBI-Tennessee-woman-promised-baby-7-adoptive-families

*Note: One of the scammed families commented on the article and has since had a baby boy placed with them. He says they waited 5 years to adopt with four failed adoptions (2 scams). A happy ending in the midst of this sad story.

"The Child Exchange"

Adoption was in the news in a major way last week. The article is frightening and appalling.

When reading the article, please take it in context. Remember that many adoptions turn out well, and for those that do not, a disruption can still be handled appropriately and ethically. Many adoptive families, especially those who adopted internationally, are not fully informed or not equipped to parent the children they adopt. Attachment issues and history of trauma are not something to be taken casually. Love is crucial but by itself is not always enough. Education prior to an adoption and adequate support services after an adoption are so important.

Local Adoption Scam

From NewsChannel5.com (click here to see the video of the story):

"They were hoping to become parents by adopting twins, but instead authorities believe a Hopkinsville couple fell victim to an adoption scam.  

The Christian County Commonwealth's Attorney said the couple did everything right for a private adoption, knowing one of their risks is that a birth mother can end up wanting to keep the child. However, authorities say in this case, the woman was never pregnant.

It's not a case Commonwealth's Attorney Lynn Pryor sees often. 

"I think this may be on of the more heartless, evil schemes," said Pryor. 

It's one that stands out after she said 22-year old Sara Pavey pretended to be pregnant with twin girls and made contact with a Christian County couple who wanted to adopt. 

"She went through great lengths to show she was going to doctors, even sending photos copied from google images," said Pryor. 

Pryor said Janet and Matt Wyatt took proper procedures for a private adoption, and in the end paid more than $10,000 to Pavey. 

"I don't want anyone to believe that they were foolish," said Pryor. "They weren't; they hired attorneys to do things properly."

Attorneys like Greg Smith who said unfortunately adoption scams are more common than you'd think. 

"A lot of people have adoptions that have been longing for it for so long, they're ripe for a con-artist to take advantage of," said Smith. 

It's why he recommends soon to be adoptive parents try to be as hands on as possible throughout the pregnancy.  

"Let them go to an ultrasound with them, not only do you get to see the baby moving, but if it's fraud, it's hard to hide it," said Smith. 

While the advice comes too late for the Wyatts, they're taking steps to keep this from happening to anyone else. 

"It breaks my heart that a family that wanted to have children so badly face the reality that they're not going to have two babies they so eagerly anticipated," said Pryor. 

At this time, it does not appear Pavey is in police custody yet. Her last known address is in Virginia. 

She has been indicted on a charge of theft by deception of more than $10,000 and a charge of persistent felony offender." 

Source: Janet Kim and News Channel 5 (Nashville)