Adoption Love Link Up: Views of Humanity

This month's topic for the Adoption Love link-up is as follows:

How, if at all, has adoption changed your view of humanity (for good or bad)? 

I feel like I've had a variety of experiences in this adoption path so far. The largest good? Having embryos gifted to us through embryo adoption. Knowing IVF moms "in real life" helped me go into this knowing what a sacrifice and difficult choice it can be to allow another family to try to become parents, knowing they will be raising the genetic children you went through so much to create. The kids will look like the ones you're raising but will live with another family and call someone else mom. I feel blessed, too, to know we've had an open relationship to "meet" our donors and share the experience with them. They've been nothing but kind, caring, and supportive. 

Another good would be the friendships I have made with fellow adoptive parents or waiting adoptive parents. A common struggle can create an instant bond. I depend on some of these friendships for advice and camaraderie. I've met up with a handful of fellow embryo adoption moms. We live all over the country and lead different lives but we have lifelong connections. 

And just in the waiting some people already in our lives have rallied around us, providing love, thoughts, cards, prayers, and some financial gifts. I am confident when a baby comes into our lives they will already be very loved. 

Even though I haven't personally experienced too much "bad" in adoption, I know it's there and it infuriates me. Innocent babies and children can become pawns of selfish and greedy adults. Many countries' programs are closing due to child exploitation. Kids are placed for adoption when their biological parents were coereced to do so, or the child may have even been kidnapped. 

I feel there is decreased exploitation of biological families in the US but it still exists. One big example is states where birthfathers have little to no rights; agencies move pregnant ladies to those states to deliver. 

Adoptive families can stand to lose a lot, too. I know both through the news as well as people I know of losing thousands of dollars from a corrupt birthmom (not to mention to pay of a failed placement). Cases of adoption fraud are rarely prosecuted in the US.  Expectant moms owe no obligation to repay living expenses in cases they change their mind; some go into adoption knowing this and with bad intentions. Many agencies and attorneys also provide no refund in failed matches. I've heard multiple times of an adoption professional who "recruits" expectant moms from another professional, offering more money- what about the adoptive family they were already working with?? I think infant adoption in the US has become such a huge industry. Some things in our lives should never be for-profit, and adoption is one of them in my opinion. 

Adoptive parents aren't perfect in this either-ill intentions, hastily getting into an adoptive situation that is difficult then backing out (more common with foster care or international adoption), "rehoming" children illegally (there is a right and wrong way to handle challenges in attachment), not following through on open-adoption agreements (which are normally not legally binding). 

Overall, I still think adoption is a beautiful thing. I think it is a neccesity in our fallen and broken world. Certain circumstances will lead to a child needing to be parented by and taken into another family. Adoption involves very vulnerable people: babies and children, biological parents likely in some type of distress, and often prospective adoptive parents who have a hole in their lives. These dynamics will inevitably show people's true colors: do they love and protect, or do they exploit? No one is perfect with always pure intentions, but I think this is what James 1:27 is really saying.