It's easier in some ways. I know baby boy. His cues are easy for me to pick up on. I can anticipate his needs and normally fulfill them before he gets too upset.
Feeding has been a burden. It's been one struggle after another. I won't let guilt corner me into feeding him one certain way. I just want what's best for him, and for us, it's just not possible to exclusively nurse him OR exclusively give him breastmilk. Right now I'm pumping what I can, which is about a fourth to third of what he needs (with prescription medicine, herbs, and a hospital grade pump).
It was so hard to get him here. I'm not going to lose out on time with him fretting. So I'm taking it day by day. I'm just grateful we live in America in 2015 where he got donor milk and now gets the best formula money can buy. It convicts me for the mothers around the world in my situation- physically unable to sustain their baby- but without the luxury of online shopping to procure nutrition in a can at my doorstep.
Nothing in my life works out how I plan. I had boxes of freezer bags. I was going to feed him and hopefully have enough to donate to adoptive families. It's what I envisioned.
But he's sleeping well with a full belly from a bottle and he's growing and gaining little rolls and content and healthy. I'm so thankful for him.
So glad things are going well. Motherhood is full finding contentment in doing our best even when it falls short of our ambitious expectations. What a difference a year makes :)
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