a play by play

late March 2018- The decision is made in my mind. I can't do this limbo anymore. As much as many parts of me don't want to transfer again, I have to. It's not a question anymore. Now I just need to get used to the idea and figure out the logistics.

D is a lot more uncertain. He doesn't have a sense of responsibility to the embryos past obviously them being transferred by another family at some point and not being destroyed or anything like that. He doesn't feel obligated to what potential kids may feel about being in a third family.

But he sees this weight. Even if he doesn't feel the same way, he understands why I do.

A difficult conversation is had.

Here we are, about to return to the NEDC. There is no other option.

3/29/18- I email NEDC to request a consultation. Return transfer require updated testing. Pregnancy, delivery, and even just time can change angles of the uterus, which impact transfer. We will also need updated STD testing which is an FDA requirement. Due to our out of pocket being met only through 12/31/18, my history of thin linings, and the fact the NEDC only transfers on odd months, they go ahead and reserve a spot for me in the September cycle, which is nearly booked already. November just gives no room for error. We are also waive having a current homestudy through a letter from our donors.

Summer 2018- I prepare for a potential pregnancy by consulting a MFM and my psychiatrist about the medication I take. We come up with a plan and I start cross tapering so the combo I will end up on is one D and I feel are the least risky. I also get a tick bite that gets a bullseye rash, so I undergo heavy duty antibiotics for this. My bloodwork comes back clear, and I am "approved" to transfer. I go to a few sessions of therapy to get myself in the best space I can. Cycling is traumatic. It brings back hard memories. It's a very vulnerable situation. 

6/28/18- Sibling consultation completed. The trial transfer is smooth. My uterus "passes" the SIS (saline ultrasound to check for polyps, scar tissue, etc). Without going into too many details, several things fall in place financially with our back storage and our medical expenses. Our out of pocket expenses are exceedingly minimal this time, given our history of bleeding our accounts dry to complete a cycle. D says this will be a "B.argain Hunt" baby, whereas Baby Boy is a "N.ordstroms" baby.

8/10/18- I begin taking BCP, as the first medication on my cycle. L.upron starts 8/24/18. I don't have time to worry about the protocol. It just is. I'm sure part of it is doing this a fourth time. I know what to expect. I am busy with Baby Boy who is a full blown toddler/preschooler with widely swinging emotions, an ever increasing vocabulary, limitless energy. Medication costs for a FET have basically doubled from what I paid four years ago. I'm really thankful to have insurance coverage this time.