I'm happy for myself, of course. Blessed beyond measure.
My heart is slowly healing from the pain of the last few years. My heart will never be the same, but I have peace and contentment. Words just can't describe the drastic change in me that seemingly came out of nowhere.
But...
I wish everyone I cared about could be in the same place of expectation as me.
My heart is truly heavy for a few friends... those who have had failed transfers at NEDC and failed IVFs on their own and failed IUIs and unsuccessful months trying to conceive on their own and are just starting out with a fertility clinic.
I guess in hindsight I was waiting, and I really do believe the waiting and barriers led me to where I am supposed to be. To this baby I am having, God willing, in two-ish months. So the timing was for a reason. But the point is- I am here (parenthood), or almost, anyway.
I'm speaking tonight at a local adoption support group about embryo adoption. I hope I can bring hope and another option to families who are right where I was two years ago. Sitting in a stiff chair at an agency led meeting wondering when "our time" would ever come.
I just want to help other people. I guess one of the best ways I can support other people is to provide education on this option. Embryo adoption might not be for everyone, but it was the answer for us, and I'm sure it's the answer for other people who have no clue about it or how it works.
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I think that you're one of the most helpful, supportive people I know. How did the session go? I'm sure you helped a lot of people, even if you don't realize it.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry your friends are struggling. It's hard to watch. And I'm sure you have some IF form of survivor's guilt, too, because that's how you are. You shouldn't. Most of us will find our happy ending one way or another. You're just closer to yours than some.
Thank you. It was good. :) I know it's not for everyone but it feels good to share my experience for those who may need to hear it. And I think you're right. It feels wrong to be happy when other people desire parenthood just as much. I feel undeserving.
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