Hope & Healing

I still don't like ultrasounds. I wish I could get sedation and wake up and know the results. It's pretty sad. I alternate between laying as stiff as possible on the table and wishing I could dart off the table. The pressure is too much.

But I survived, and thank God the anatomy scan couldn't have been better.

Is there a heartbeat? Yes, I see the flicker. Obstacle passed. He's still alive. Whew.

"How's my cervix?" Oh, you think it's strange I'm asking cervix length and know that 4.2 is more than sufficient? I have no real reason to know or care. I'm just that paranoid. And now I have one less thing to worry about... until the next ultrasound, anyway.

Back to the heart. Yep, four chambers (which by the way, I was not expecting to see the heart is such detail- it was pretty cool). Check.

The spine has perfect detail. Each. Little. Vertebrae. Check.

The kidneys are both there. The bladder is there. It empties and fills back up during the scan. The stomach is there and on the correct side (I thought it would need to be in the middle) and interestingly was full of amniotic fluid. Check. Check. Check.

The head measures correctly. Check.

The arms and legs measure correctly. Actually, the legs are quite long. Who in the family is tall? "He gets that from his genetic dad". So check, check.

Baby boy did a few waves. Turned over and back again. Stretched his feet up to his face. Got complimented on his perfect head shape and how well behaved he was for the measurements. Thankfully his aunt was there to coo at him and help him feel loved in that moment.

Now.... it all feels like a dream. My stomach is getting bigger because there is a real, live, growing baby in there. Weird.

Maybe this really will work. Maybe this is where I was meant to be. He must be who I have been waiting for.