National Infertility Awareness Week is coming to an end. The theme this year is that, if you are going through infertility, you are not alone. 1 in 8 couples have gone or will go through it.
My path of infertility is different than the average path. Like I've mentioned here multiple times, I didn't have the month after month of a negative pregnancy test and wondering "what's wrong". I don't believe that negates my experience, though. I have PCOS and have had limited opportunities to become a parent, all very high stakes emotionally and financially. I sat on the sidelines while dozens of people around me became parents. I've felt the isolation. I've had "the questions and comments", mostly unintentional, but felt the sting nonetheless.
Maybe other than my faith, nothing else in this process has held me up more than the support of people around me. I've chosen to be open with the people in my life about each step, so while I've had times of feeling overwhelmed at the gravity of that fact, I've also been love and supported. I've had cards and flowers and hugs and prayers.
What has really shaped my experience, though, is being apart of a group of people going through exactly what I am, an embryo adoption support group. I have made friends for life. People who can share experiences for such unique challenges like navigating openness and medication protocols and how to tell a child their story and selecting embryos to match with and scary bleeds. People to celebrate victories and truly understand pain of loss. A safe place. An online network to instantaneously connect with "cycle buddies".
And the great blessing of being apart of a clinic that has transfers lumped together in cycle weeks. I've been able to meet at least ten other couples "in real life". This searing, painful process brings together perfect strangers from across the country to sit at a table, share a meal, and engage in deep and meaningful conversation. You can't explain the instant connection to a stranger unless you experience it. What has torn apart hearts brings hearts together. We get each other!
I've sent cards and leftover pregnancy tests and medication to these friends and rejoiced as they've seen ultrasounds and given birth. I've had a digital pregnancy test sent to me to bring the same joy along with cards and handmade gifts and a shirt to help me embrace my pregnancy and a M.oby wrap so I can get ready for our little one. It's really beautiful to give and receive support.
So if you're feeling alone as you wait to have a family, you're not alone in those feelings! You're not weird and shouldn't feel ashamed for the pain and loneliness and longing. There is hope out there, and you don't have be be by yourself in getting to that place. Open up as you feel comfortable, whether it is to people in your life, to an in-person support group, or even online. It's scary to be so vulnerable, but I have had no regrets.
In closing, I want to share recent gifts I received from an online friend I've been lucky enough to meet over dinner. She made our baby the sweetest outfits and burp clothes, personalized with his name (his first personalized/monogrammed gifts!) and, of course, a snowflake. We actually "met" twice, both connecting through a Facebook group then in exchanging emails through our adoption agency. She has provided so much wisdom to me and has helped shape our decisions for our son up to this point. I can't wait to see him, put him in his snowflake onesie, and start telling him about his very special journey to get to us! If I had to go down a long path to get to a family, I have to say I am glad it was this one because my heart and life is so very enriched and full!
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