A dark cave. My bones ache. Winter is relentless. Darkness
falls so early in the day. Winter is always a tough season, isn’t it?
Unsuspecting sadness crept upon me. A knife to the heart. It
palpably hurts. Bitterness in my mouth.
And then, why should guilt accompany grief? Is the sadness
not enough? Guilt compounds the stinging pain. It pushes the sadness deep into
my chest. Welling up. Pressure.
But there is no “reason” for this feeling. Why is it here?
My family is enough. I don’t desire anything more than I have. I am so blessed.
Why do I look at someone else’s story of multiplied redemption and have a sense
of regret or injustice?
Self-judgment. I don’t like this in myself. I fill my mind
with anything I can to not think about my feelings. This isn’t a conscious process.
This is the beginning of the next chapter, little do I know.
Your entries are so interesting and heart-inspiring. Keeping you in prayer.
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