no coincidences

Coincidentally (but truthfully no so much of a coincidence at all, since I view this whole situation as a bigger picture whose details I have been privy to only as I muddled along), as baby boy’s genetic family was reviewing the profile of the family who wanted to match with the two remaining embryos, they were also staying at our house.

Baby boy's genetic family trekked from the West Coast all the way to our humble abode, all seven of them. Our families spent several days together enjoying baby boy and enjoying each other’s company. Baby boy got to smash his first birthday cake with so many loved ones around him.

Everything felt so right. Our families mesh. Authentic. Relaxed. We get along. The connection is just natural. Two families connected through unusual circumstances. But now coupled together in unison.

Alas, though, every good trip must come to an end. I dropped baby boy’s genetic family off at the airport. Then, I did what I do on many a trips home- stop by T.arget. T.arget cures all what ails you. It is the perfect place to pace and browse and fill your life with all the things you never realized you needed. I digress.

So, standing in the baby clothes section, I had a mini panic attack.

I couldn’t let the embryos go. 

As I tend to do in these pivotal moments, I went kinda out of body. My hands started typing to baby boy’s genetic mom, A.

If our family is complete, A isn’t able to carry a pregnancy, and I can’t stomach them going to a third family, I know what has to happen.

I vigorously texted her. My stomach in my throat and filled with butterflies. 

It was a little crazy.  But, then again, there is nothing normal about our situation. 

I know what has to happen.