11 Months of Waiting

I probably sound like a broken record, but I never imagined we'd be at 11 months without... a baby, or at least a match, or at least a meeting with an expectant mom, or at least being an expectant mom's top two... or something!

I feel, if not for pursuing embryo adoption, we'd have nothing more than more dust in our nursery and less money in our bank account. This may not be "the" answer, either- time will tell- but we are moving somewhere.

I feel very frustrated when I think about our adoption agency, their staffing decisions, the lack of adoptions. I absolutely don't want an expectant mom placing for the sake of another family "getting" her baby, but surely there are more than a handful of moms in a large metropolitan area that would like to make an adoption plan. I feel it's a disservice to waiting families to have more and more families sign on when the number of adoptions never waxes and only wanes. I get having a ministry for birthmoms, as the agency preaches, but what about the ministry for waiting families?? I work in a similar industry... it really is always feast or famine in a human services field. But why has there been a famine for a year?

We have made the best decisions we could with the information we had along this path. It's meandering, and we have to be okay with that. We can't default to our natural tendency to complain or question God in this, like the Israelites in the wilderness.

One day, this will all make sense.