2015

Goodbye 2014, hello 2015.

I had a mixture of feelings as I watched the NYE ball drop on TV and the rain of confetti that followed. 

My primary feeling was a bit of sadness. It came out of no where, starting only as the TV screen showed the countdown in seconds. 

2014 has been the most challenging year of my life but I still won't say it was a "bad" year. 

But I did have a really big loss and it stings to close a chapter on my first baby. I'm truly joyful about my current pregnancy, which is such a blessing, yet it pains me to say goodbye to my other one. I feel like I'm leaving her behind with the change in year. 

Grief is such an unexpected, unexplainable, unpredictable, fickle thing. 

So for today my heart mingles with bursting hope and solemn sadness. 

I start week 9 tomorrow. Week 8 has been the physically hardest. I've been the most tired and most nauseous. I've thrown up twice this week (which is relatively not bad for what it could be). I wonder what next week will bring. I'm hoping another good ultrasound, good bloodwork (baseline hormone levels so I can start weaning off these meds in the next bit), and getting an appointment on the books with my OB (which has been a challenge... Have sex, pee on a test and you get right in but there's extra steps to take with being under the care of a specialist, all of which are accentuated with the holidays and three three involved offices [clinic, monitoring clinic, OB] being periodically closed).