Awaits Me

My fate awaits me.

I wake up at 5 AM. Eating breakfast is torture. Everything is disgusting. But the sooner I eat, the sooner some relief will come. Half of a granola bar will do. 

I push the button on the elevator at the clinic, but it never comes- only makes a strange humming. I wait and wait but nothing. I've been feeling pretty out of breath lately just from talking but it's nothing compared to hiking up two flights of stairs. 

Then, the ultrasound tech wasn't scheduled today, but was. So everything is running behind. I peer around for a trash can because I'm feeling sick. 

Waiting for my ultrasound, elbow to elbow with the others waiting, the fire alarm goes off. Staff talks of evacuating. However, I'm not going anywhere til I get my ultrasound. The other patients wince at the shrill sound and stay put, too. 

Then the moment of truth comes. 

I get to see my baby. Heart flickering away at a dizzying speed. Looking like a baby now, rather than an indistinguishable blob. Still safely tucked away in its sac, away from the annoying still-present blood pocket. 

Measuring exactly on track. Heartrate in the 170s. Oblivious to my constant concern over the blood pocket and shots and nasuea. Just growing at a rapid pace. Thriving. Looking like a baby with a chubby torso and four little limbs and a giant head.

My baby may really be here to stay!