Post-Christmas

The baby's first unofficial Christmas has come and gone. He or she got a couple gifts, and I got a funny t-shirt from a fellow EA mom. I've been trying to take her advice to "rejoice and be glad" to heart. I'm slowly coming around. I never thought I would still feel so guarded at 8 weeks.

But I guess the intermittent bleeding and cramps that I'm STILL having don't help matters. I have my third ultrasound on Monday, so I'm hoping the heart is still pumping away and we've had quite a bit of growth (the baby should be about doubled in size from the last ultrasound).

I have flashes of moments that I think maybe this really could work out. It seems like a fairy tale, that a pregnancy would just progress. Maybe our baby is growing and developing and still alive. Embryos can be healthy, can't they?

Sometimes bad luck finally runs out. I've seen two friends waiting painstakingly for an adoptive placement have full arms in the past couple of weeks. They both finally were placed with babies! The sole pregnancy that came from the May transfer is here- sweet twin girls! Maybe I can join their ranks.

I'm ready to be able to have joy. I'm ready to fully open my heart. I'm ready to stop going through the motions of my day- shot, work, chores, shot, sleep, repeat- and be excited!