This has been the longest year. Start process to adopt embryos. Update homestudy. Get medically cleared. Match three times. Transfer three times. Hundreds of shots. Artificially built up and dropped hormones. Find out what a failed transfer feels like. Find out what a miscarriage feels like. Get not one but two d&c's. D goes through major foot surgery. Once home, pain pump doesn't help enough so we land in the ER. His time in a cast drags on, and he's unable to drive. He gets complications from surgery and is miserably sick for three weeks. Innumerable doctor appointments. Three more ER visits. Gallbladder surgery. Each statement seems so simple typed out. Yet each entails tears and struggle and worry.
I don't want to complain. We're blessed to have each other, the jobs we do, great family on both sides, health insurance, the ability to use a wonderful clinic to become parents, to match with equally wonderful families who donated their embryos to us.
But, I'm ready for life to return to normal, whatever that will look like now. I'm ready to struggle with learning to be a parent instead of struggling to become one. I'm ready for the bad luck to run out and days of wellness and togetherness to come. I'm ready to have a normal Saturday of lounging and going out to eat with D and laughing. I'm 5 1/2 weeks pregnant and ready to be able to be excited about the fact that I'm pregnant like 99% of the world when they see that second line.
Hang in there, Sara. You guys deserve some happy, normal - boring - weekends. That's for sure. Praying that as the days pass things start turning toward better, and then good, and then completely wonderful. I hope your husband starts to heal up from his surgery and complications - that has got to be super stressful. Sending prayers!
ReplyDeleteThank you! It means a lot. He's on the mend from the surgery. Finally! :)
DeleteI am so there with you, Sara. I don't know if I'll *ever* get to enjoy this pregnancy. (I just got a ute twinge after typing that; I imagine the LO saying, "Yep, I'm still in here.") We had a string of ridiculously rough years, 2009 through 2013, but this year - this year - is finishing with a bang. A lot of crazy good things have happened to us since summer and I have to believe that yes, luck changes, and no, happiness is not out of reach. You are an incredibly good person, and I know that whatever struggles you've had to face were for a reason, to get you to this moment in time. You are exactly the person you are meant to be, and that's due to a sum of all experiences, both good and bad. Hang in there, lady. You're due for some AMAZING in your life.
ReplyDeleteThanks for all the very kind encouragement. I hope we can enjoy our pregnancies together with as little worry and as much joy as possible.
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