The Aftermath

After The Call, I coped the best way I know how. I cleaned the bathrooms and straightened up the living room and ran a load of laundry. Because that's what healthy grieving for me entails, apparently.

D finally got home from work and took me to the next phase of grieving: Mexican food.

"How are you all tonight?", the hostess asked. I smiled and said, "Good, thanks" when what was really running through my mind was "We are here because our embryos didn't make it and I wanted to get out of the house". But you don't say things like that.

While we were gorging on salsa (me) and queso (D), my recurring 7 PM alarm went off, reminding me of the shot awaiting me. Except I don't need this alarm for now. I turned it off. 

When we got home, "Don't forget your shot" kept popping into my head. At least five times. My mind is so programmed. I will need to un-program it.

My eyes started getting heavy, and my head was in a fog. I wondered for a second if this was all a dream and I would wake up and have another chance for a different ending. 

I don't know how today will go. At this moment, I am feeling pretty good. I'm still tired deep in my bones, and my head hurts a little, but I feel okay. I am glad to work in a very fast-paced environment, so I can get back to normal and throw myself into my work.

We've executed some financial plans to pay for round 2. I've contacted the clinic to request additional profiles so we can begin to proceed with that next step. I'm working on a project with "embryo memorabilia" (more to come on that in a later post).