Trusting

I never really considered how I would feel at this point in pregnancy, because it was beyond comprehension to be here. 

We have about two weeks until our first ultrasound. There's no more bloodwork or "checking in" until then. As far as I know, we have at least one embryo in there, growing. I just have to trust that's still the case. We may be excited or making plans in vain.

It's part inclination and part forcing myself every day....To put praise above fear. To put hope above worry. This is a terrifying time, and maddening if I let it become so.

I focus on positive mantras: "You know the hopes of the helpless" (Psalm 10:17); "You are my refuge and strength" (Psalm 46:1); "Worry about nothing but pray about everything" (Philippians 4:6); "I am pregnant for today, and I love my baby".

This is the most refining experience of my life. "So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world" (1 Peter 1:6-7).

Waiting that is totally out of my control is a hot fire to my controlling, impatient self. It will bring patience and trust, and hopefully a baby or two, as well.